1. No physical action - it's hard to reason with someone you are trying to force your will on.
2. No yelling - it's hard to reason with someone you are intimidating.
3. No name calling - a person who spilled the milk doesn't need to be called clumsy - he already knows.
4. No blame - "it never helps to assign a bad guy.
5. No excuses - "I only", "I just", "but I", or "because" are all excuses
6. I statements only - no other person's name is acceptable unless that person is present.
7. No one else's name may be used, "Suzie did it".
8. One person talks at a time, everyone will get a turn.
9. No putting someone down - rolling eyes, sneers, other body language "put downs".
Here is the good news! Once you have all this other stuff out of the way, you can solve the problem. That problem will almost always be something like, "I felt left out", "My feelings were hurt", "I was embarrassed". "I felt betrayed".
It takes time for children to feel safe enough to share real feelings, but if you adhere to these simple rules you can do it.
Image Credit mothersandothers.wordpress.com